If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize