Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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