They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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