coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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