So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
