Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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