OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
