The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
