Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
