some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
