there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Randomize
