i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
