you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize