Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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