I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
