OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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