I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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