just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
my being single is dangerous.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
