im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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