I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
