glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize
