so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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