i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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