Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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