i permit you to call me
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
