Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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