It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Such a big mess for such a small penis
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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