How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
