So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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