I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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