you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
