Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
