Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
