Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
