Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
