I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I'm at about main and main street
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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