I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
