Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
