tell your sister to shave her snatch
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
