Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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