If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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