There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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