We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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