How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
