And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
