You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I want to have your abortion
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
