Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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