just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
