Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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