That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize