she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
