yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
