your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
