I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Randomize
