ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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