I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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