The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
