She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
