I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
