He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
