He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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