i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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