Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
