Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize