am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
