Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
