Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
