I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
