My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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