the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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