you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
