Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
