Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
