I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
