You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
love makes seman taste better
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
