i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
