Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
