can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
