how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
