If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
dude. I can hear the air.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
