I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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