Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
