do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
